I’d like to take this time to apologize to the people who were recently subjected to a near full frontal flashing at the Target on Peterson Avenue today. You’ll have to excuse me, you see I am a new mom and a breastfeeding one at that. Every 90 minutes to a few hours I rapidly yank down the front of my shirt and whip out the goods to quiet the yowling pterodactyl child that I have given birth too. She feeds hungrily all the while scratching me with her mini talons and may or may not spit the contents of the feed back up to ruin both the outfit that I have just put her in and my shirt as well. Sometimes this scene is accompanied by a sneeze/fart or, more commonly, a full out diaper blow out.
In the midst of this drama I sometimes forget to put “the goods” back in. Even if I do the chance that my shirt will actually cover them is slim. This has been caused by several factors. One, my goods have grown three sizes, ok four, well maybe five sizes from their usual state. Two, my shirts have also grown as they have become a bit stretched out at the top from being yanked so frequently and vigorously downward. And three, I’m just not that aware of my personal appearance these days, I’m a bit busy and forgetful…sleep deprived…hungry…you get the idea.
So, people of Target, I apologize that you may have witnessed a bit more of me than you bargained for on Sunday afternoon. Thank you for not laughing or staring, too much, or attempting to shove dollar bills down my shirt. Just consider yourself lucky I was wearing a bra.