An Open Letter to the People at Target Who May Have Seen “The Goods” Today

I’d like to take this time to apologize to the people who were recently subjected to a near full frontal flashing at the Target on Peterson Avenue today.  You’ll have to excuse me, you see I am a new mom and a breastfeeding one at that.  Every 90 minutes to a few hours I rapidly yank down the front of my shirt and whip out the goods to quiet the yowling pterodactyl child that I have given birth too.  She feeds hungrily all the while scratching me with her mini talons and may or may not spit the contents of the feed back up to ruin both the outfit that I have just put her in and my shirt as well.   Sometimes this scene is accompanied by a sneeze/fart or, more commonly, a full out diaper blow out.

In the midst of this drama I sometimes forget to put “the goods” back in.  Even if I do the chance that my shirt will actually cover them is slim.  This has been caused by several factors.  One, my goods have grown three sizes, ok four, well maybe five sizes from their usual state.  Two, my shirts have also grown as they have become a bit stretched out at the top from being yanked so frequently and vigorously downward.  And three, I’m just not that aware of my personal appearance these days, I’m a bit busy and forgetful…sleep deprived…hungry…you get the idea.

So, people of Target, I apologize that you may have witnessed a bit more of me than you bargained for on Sunday afternoon.  Thank you for not laughing or staring, too much, or attempting to shove dollar bills down my shirt.  Just consider yourself lucky I was wearing a bra.

Categories: Slice of Life Challenge | Tags: | 13 Comments

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13 thoughts on “An Open Letter to the People at Target Who May Have Seen “The Goods” Today

  1. Oh my gosh. I love this post! I was cracking up the whole time. Very well written too. Thanks for sharing.

  2. I had one of those too! ” quiet the yowling pterodactyl child that I have given birth to.” was always thirsty.

  3. Oh, how I laughed, Katie! You have your sense of humor,though….and therefore your dignity. Things were rather different 24 years ago, though….it was pretty unusual to breast feed in public. Such awkwardness! I remember people yelling at me, even though I was pretty discreet with ” the goods” ….well, the good people at Target are forewarned!

    • Too funny! I love the way you embrace your motherhood. I remember being so paranoid–you seems so comfortable. I love the dinosaur imagery with the talons–good stuff.

  4. Glad you handled that so well. Child birth and raising children takes the embarrassment right out of life!

  5. Glad that you found the humor in this situation! Child birth and raising children takes the fear of embarrassment right out of life!

  6. I am still laughing as I type this response. So that sweet baby is actually a “yowling pterodactyl child with mini talons.” I think the mothers understand and as for the guys, they should avert their eyes, but you know what they are doing.

  7. Smiles and hugs new mommy. There were days when I thought I should just go around “topless” to save time – and shirts! It’s got to be especially challenging with a baby dino!

  8. I can so relate! I was feeding my 7 month old during a Sunday class (all ladies in the class) and he was so noisy! When he finished, he let out a VERY loud burp. Very disruptive, I’m sure, but still cute. I can’t wait to start wearing normal bras again! 🙂

  9. Jaana

    Way funny! You are so much braver that I ever was!

  10. That made me laugh. My girls are now 8 and 11, so I’m way past the yowling pterodactyl days, but I remember them oh-so-well.

  11. Oh you handled this so much better than I would have! Thanks for sharing this moment!

  12. OMG!!! We moms who have nursed have all had moments like this! I remember being at a friend’s house and her husband brought us our drinks and used the nursing bra pads as coasters. So, so many fun stories to tell when you are a parent. Of course, some, like this, get funnier the farther removed you are from them.

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